When I watch a film online, sometimes I have MSN on in the background or something like that, and if I'm talking to someone who's seen the film, I'll press pause, note the time and make a comment. So for Laurence Anyways, I knew someone who loved the girl in it but he wasn't online so from the beginning I was making notes. These notes will have to make do for the "review" (this really isn't a review), which would usually only be a paragraph in a group round-up and this will definitely be more interesting. Instead, this is a look in to my thought process watching this film. Nothing's been edited or omitted, this is exactly what I put :
1:07 – Pretentious voiceover
3:17 – Get on with it
4:14 – cin reliant on colour over lighting
5:06 – god, they’re annoying together. Polleyfest.
9:15 – stop with the swoops. ffs.
11:04 – what a nothing montage.
14:08 – yeah, the cin’s bad.
15:00 – the woman’s right, they are all twats.
16:09 – seriously, were there no lights on the set?
17:06 – what’s real and what’s not? Could anyone care?
19:11 – I hope there’s a plot, I won’t last more than half an hour otherwise
19:55 – Prokofiev? seriously?
20:35 – Motherless f… LIGHTING!!!
21:07 – Jesus, this is overwrought.
21:38 – The maths : 1/5th of 168 mins = 33.6. Stick it out for another reel.
22:30 – Did a mole light this film?
23:35 – At least Melvil’s finally getting better.
25:10 – Is this supposed to be a comedy?
25:47 – This has to be a comedy.
26:43 – The camera movement/framing actually makes everything seem faker.
27:14 – Is that Nathalie Baye? Oh thank Christ.
28:55 – Well, you can just dump him, love.
29:29 – Sense. Where’s this woman been for the last 14 minutes?
30:08 – Officially a comedy. But not funny.
30:54 – what’s the target then, 33.6, so … 33:36?
31:38 – Good point Nathalie, react how you react.
32:40 – Little bit frenzied, reign her in, Dolan.
33:36 – I need convincing.
Okay, another reel with the point being these comments.
34:45 – Clement possibly getting better. Maybe because she’s not talking?
36:05 – One called you sexy? You’re Melvil Poupaud ffs.
37:35 – Maybe you should wrap it up? Tease. I know this thing’s 168 mins.
38:35 – Yes, she’s getting better. When she’s not talking.
39:24 – You’ve been fantasising about women’s clothes and THAT’s the outfit you pick? Fashion-sense change before the sex-change, Melvil, 1990 or not.
39:55 – Oh talk, Eddie Izzard did stand up tours looking worse. He was funny though.
40:20 – This is so subtle.
40:40 – His earring. First genuine laugh of the day.
41:23 – Did Dolan tell every bloke in this montage to look as if they’d shag him?
42:38 – Austin Powers evil laugh moment. Please, it wasn’t that funny.
42:50 – “Punch me”, love this woman. Why isn’t the film about her?
42:59 – Oh no, what is that shavedness on Clement’s head. I despair.
43:46 – Oh, it’s her sister. You dare estrange them Dolan, she’s the only thing keeping me here.
44:30 – Oh Baye. This is getting funnier.
45:15 – Yes dear, he’s trying to buy your approval.
45:55 – More subtlety.
46:40 – Well, if he loses his job he can become a fortune teller.
46:51 – Does she expect him to wear that dead rat on his head?
48:40 – Oh thank God, sis is back.
49:10 – You are the best thing in this film.
49:33 – And he’s clearly trying to write you out of it.
49:45 – Not the star Melvil? She’s the reason I’m watching.
51:50 – Preggers? Dear lord.
53:06 – Has she only got crinkles in her hair because he saw it in an 80s music video?
53:45 – That shot isn’t even 1/10th as good as you clearly think it is.
54:00 – I tell a lie. 1/20th.
54:46 – It’s been months. Still only got the one earring?
55:45 – THANK YOU. Of course, total hypocrite.
56:03 – So she gets antidepressants and I don’t for watching this film?
56:36 – LIGHTING. CLOSE UPS. God’s SAKE!!! Wong, where are you?
56:45 – Plot, characterisation, style, emotion. You name it, love.
56:48 – You’re looking for light? YOUR DP ISN’T!!!
57:35 – You don’t laugh any more? Welcome to the club.
58:38 – Don’t turn this in to a legal drama. Philadelphia 2: Wardrobe Wars x_x
60:03 – Of course, the Americans are always to blame.
62:23 – Ecce homo? Pretension overload. Done with this.
And with that I stopped. Quoting Pontius Pilate really was the limit. I liked some of the acting from all the main people in places, and on another occasion I could probably finish the remaining 100 minutes (how on EARTH does this go on for another 100 minutes. That's more than the entirity of In the Mood for Love :s ), but I've no desire to at the moment.